Why I Watchdog My Childrens’ Role Models
June 22, 2009 by Karlynn Johnston
Filed under Super Informed
My article about the Michael Phelps book sure brought out the supporters on his side of the issue, and I can understand where some of them are coming from. We don’t all parent the same, we don’t have all the same ideals or morals, hopes or dreams for our children. We don’t all agree on the same issues and perhaps that might even be due to the different countries where we reside.
It was pointed out that I should come back later and talk when my kids are busted for smoking drugs. The chances that my childrens lives will parallel a celebrity’s are few and far between, and thus I have to raise my children with realistic expectations in life. If my son gets arrested for drugs, he is not going to be splashed all over the tabloids and the news, and be crushed that his endorsements were cancelled. No, chances are very good that a media frenzy about my child wouldn’t be a repercussion.
But you know what will be a consequence of my everyday, unknown son’s illegal actions? A criminal record, possible jail time and a liberal dose of cold, harsh reality.
By having a laissez-faire attitude about celebrities and drug use, or various illegal activities, all under the guise of “forgiveness” for their actions that broke the law, we are teaching our children about a fantasy world. My children are not going to be let off the hook with a slap on the wrist, most likely if they are over 18 years of age, they will have a lovely criminal record. Will my children also have millions to fall back on when they aren’t able to get a decent paying job? Doubtful. When’s the last time you applied for a good job and weren’t asked for a record check? It hasn’t happened to me in years. No large company with health benefits and who is paying a living wage, at least in Canada,will hire you without a criminal record check.
By brushing it off and letting my children idolize these people, I would be facilitating this insane, unrealistic view the media and others are feeding us. How can I, in good faith, allow my children to either think that they can get away with crimes without punishment, or, on the other hand, let them believe that some “privileged” people can get away with it? “Well, you know son, its all about who you know, and who you are when it comes to getting jail time or a record.” Or, if you have set world records and won a bazillion gold medals for your country.
There is also the blame-shift attitude that I can’t condone. The wailings of “I had such a bad childhood, my parents were so cruel” or ” I am under SO much pressure to perform that I just couldn’t stop myself”. I am not raising my children to blame their actions or reactions on anyone or anything else, and if nothing else, from my mouth to the Gods’ ears, let me teach them self accountability for their choices. So exempting celebrities/the privileged from the same treatment the masses receive just because they are in the public eye, or had a rough childhood, also contradicts my method of parenting.
I will never be in denial about the fact that my children will try all sorts of things, get into all kinds of trouble that I can’t even fathom at this moment, and make choices that will have me tearing my hair out in worry, or pacing the floor in the middle of the night. But let me assure you, they are going to know the real consequences of their actions at every turn, and how they are the only ones who ultimately are responsible for their choices and actions. This doesn’t start when they are teens getting into trouble, it starts right now, here, toddlerhood and early school years.
I also want to make it crystal clear that this doesn’t exclude the lessons of compassion towards others and their circumstances. There are many lessons to be learned in circumstances like this, and feeling compassion towards others is one lesson that I wholeheartedly throw our family into. We can feel compassion and be sad that Michael Phelps made a very poor choice and lost his endorsements, plus losing our respect, but we don’t “forget” that he broke the law. However,also on that note, it is definitely my right to tell my children that when someone breaks the law, it is wrong. We should not be confusing or intermingling the act of forgiveness with the written law. Certain drugs and acts are illegal. Period. Having compassion towards people who have made poor choices makes our world go ’round, that is the core structure of many organizations and charities. But implying by action or by word that because someone is famous,we should forget the illegalities of their actions is wrong.
As you can tell this is something that I feel very strongly about, I am consistently concerned with the role models for children that are prevalent today. Male rappers, who even though may not have done anything illegal, rap about violence towards women (the act of which is illegal) like its normal and part of their dating life. Teenage celebs posting naked pictures on the internet. Sports figures getting busted for drug use, whether it was recreational or for cheating in their chosen field.
It’s all around us, and it is a sign of the times. But I get enraged at the attitude that because something is prevalent, we have to sit back and go with the flow because of “the time we live in”. Does this mean I have to accept it and change my own morals and standards when it comes to parenting, which was also implied in comments on my other post? Hell no. Do I chose instead, to work maybe just that little bit harder parenting and be a watchdog concerning who my children are idolizing, and engage in serious talks about drug abuse and other issues that might make me feel uncomfortable, but are a vital part of what my children need from me as a mom? You betcha
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