The news came from Irving, Texas. A 30-year-old mother of 2 strangled her children with a wire claiming she “didn’t want her kids to be like that” and “wanted normal kids”. The CNN article is called “High Stress for Parents Who are Raising Autistic Children”. I recommend reading it.
When you get pregnant and think of that tiny little thing that in 9 months will be your child, of course you assume your kid is going to be “normal”. As parents we all want that. We want healthy children that would grow up to be wonderful personalities with good jobs, that will be happily married with children who we’d raise together. You want family gatherings, turkey on Thanksgiving and the general feeling of “being normal” and “fitting in”. All these aspirations change drastically when you give birth to an autistic child. “High stress” is hardly the right word to describe what happens.
Marguerite Colston, vice president of the Autism Society, which has local chapters throughout the country, says:
“Once you get a diagnosis, you can’t be a parent, you have to be a case manger, an education specialist”. “You’ve got to figure out the medical system. It’s overwhelming to think I have to advocate and navigate the system. The level of stress is terrifying.
Yet, as hard as it is and as impossible as it sounds, in “normal” circumstances parents of children with autism try to move past the “normal” – “not normal” and dive into the hard task of raising their children as they are, because they’re vital parts of their lives. The stress, however, never goes away.
While the article on CNN emphasizes the fact that the said mother of 2 came from a Pakistani minority where disabled children or kids with special needs are frowned upon and pressure from the community is often overwhelming, it’s hard to deny that this society, our society doesn’t have much to offer, either. While parents from South Asian countries are bombarded with criticism from their own families, our culture does not deem criticism acceptable. We choose to ignore instead.
Parents of autistic children are often left isolated from the community – partly due to the fact that autistic kids may have meltdowns and emotional outbursts, or lack social skills widely accepted – again – as “normal”, and partly – because we just don’t know how to relate. Lack of information and communication with parents experiencing the same things with their children will obviously affect a stressed-out parent in a negative way.
Experts say that it’s crucial that such parents seek qualified advice and be connected to societies, educational groups and people that can help them fight their stress and raise their children in the best possible way. For parents that might be concerned and suspecting that their child might have autism, I suggest reading this article from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and paying attention to the following, as well as seeking a consultation from a behavioral specialist.
Some of the early signs and symptoms which suggest a young child may need further evaluation for autism include:
- no smiling by six months of age
- no back and forth sharing of sounds, smiles or facial expressions by nine months
- no babbling, pointing, reaching or waving by 12 months
- no single words by 16 months
- no two word phrases by 24 months
- regression in development
- any loss of speech, babbling or social skills