Yup. Here’s a question for you guys. Do you ever get complaints from parents about your preschooler biting their kids? Has your child ever left a tooth mark on you? Were you excluded from daycare of preschool because of that?
I really wonder, because I’ve recently bumped into this article on Parenting.com that addressed the issue and I enjoyed reading both, – what the author had to say and the comments that followed. I highly recommend reading it, alongside the comments, because that’s where the conflict lies.
And yes, it’s a burning topic apparently, because according to the statistical data provided the National Association for the Education of Young Children, 1 out of 10 2-year-olds engages in what you may call “biting behavior”. Ah, you might say, the terrible twos.
That, too, but not necessarily is biting a mere part of the terrible two tantrums. Specialists say there may be a whole list of reasons or even a combination of reasons that eventually lead to biting. A child may want attention, there may be anger, curiosity, hunger, fatigue, frustration, excitement, fear and need to defend himself, absence of certain language skills compensated by biting, the kid may be teething… To be honest with you, this list is long enough for any child to engage in this behavior. Yet somehow not all of them do.
It always comes as a surprise to parents when their kid turns out to be a biter. It’s most often a boy, too, because boys are more prone to angry outbursts. Nevertheless specialists claim that biting in most cases is not actually anger – it’s a manifestation of a child’s inability to convey their feelings or needs through words, because they simply lack the language skills at this stage of development. So what do you do in case your son or daughter is a biter?
Here’s where opinions start going into different directions. Specialists do agree that it’s not a good idea to reprimand your kid and try to make your point by biting them back to make them feel how wrong it is (yes, there are actually parents that bite back. Oh well…) Experts can’t agree on this one thing. How do you perceive the biter? Is the biter also an aggressor? Some say yes, and by choosing this option they recommend that the parent ask the child to apologize. This way, they say, it will teach the child the concept of empathy. Others, however, insist that making toddlers apologize is basically akin to teaching them how to lie, since toddlers don’t understand abstract concepts, and empathy is one of them. So they suggest that in order to avoid recurring incidents, parents have to treat both kids on an equal basis – with the same sympathy. The article gives this example: “I am so sorry that you have been hit and are hurting,’ and ‘I am so sorry that you were angry enough to hit your friend.’”
I can see why parents would oppose either of these opinions, as every individual case is pretty much unique, judging by the long list of reasons. Despite a possible difference of opinion, among very common ways of handling occasional biting are taking a time-out (1 minute may be enough to get the biting child back to his/her senses) and saying “we don’t bite” in a calm voice. There’s not much else you can do as a parent, experts say. The list of don’ts is longer though. It’s important not to raise your voice, not to reward them for not biting and not to make a big deal out of the situation, because occasional biting is not uncommon and is normal. What is not normal is when this behavior continues on a weekly or daily basis. This kind of aggression may mean something else, and it’s essential to be able to recognize this and see a pediatrician.
If you have ever had this experience with your child, please share with us!
This article was very good and I will share it with the parents in our program. The only part about the article that I tend to disagree with is consulting a pediatrician. While this seems to be a good idea – not all doctors are authorities on the developmental issues of young children. They see the child for 5 minutes and make recommendations that are not always helpful. The best person to help should be an early childhood specialist.
I think that it is recommended that you visit a doctor to rule out any medical issues, such as sore gums, jaws, anything medical that may be happening. It's not unknown for a child to be biting because of an ear infection, believe it or not! Frustration from a physical pain can lead to biting.