The third and last article in the series I found to be probably the most important of all of them. The chances of my children witnessing a bullying incident are very high, much to my sadness, and I liked the advice that they offered here. It completely reminded me when I was reading through the article , that I had always looked over the signs in the girls washroom at Kade’s school (toddler=long drive to school=many visits after we drop big brother off at class) and thought what a great idea it is to post them. They have the same tips as the article below does, with a few more added in. Then while reading this I realized that the washrooms are an area that are usually out of the adults view, and probably where a lot of bullying could occur, so the lightbulb went off in my head. (its only about 30 watt at the moment with my lack of coffee ingested so far) Oooh, that’s why they are hanging in the washroom.
It states that potentially 70% of children are witness to bullying incidents, so the tips listed below are something that anyone with a school aged child (or a future school aged child, so that covers us all) needs to read. There are some amazing points, especially the eye-opening one pointing out that even just being in the audience, is giving the bully power. This whole series is one that I am bookmarking and keeping for future reference, the points were all quick,simple and very useful. We don’t all have time or inclination to delve into child psych books about bullying, so these articles are a valuable resource to us all.
Tips for breaking the bullying chain from the article found here:
1. Encourage your child to not watch bullying incidents. Some children watch bullying out of fear and self-protection. Some watch because they don’t know what else to do. Others stare because they are curious. What your child may not know is that she is contributing to the bully’s power when she becomes a spectator.
“Watching bullying incidents is not a neutral role,” says Smith. If your child is watching the incident, even from a distance, she is making the bully all the more powerful. An audience gives a bully power, social status and, most of all, the attention that he seeks.
2. Tell your child to immediately notify a responsible adult. If your child feels unable to step in and stop the situation for fear of his safety, persuade him to tell a responsible adult, says Smith. If he fears retaliation from the bully, brainstorm ways to confidentially inform an adult.
For example, if the incident happens at school, he could walk casually away and ask a friend to get a teacher. The bully would unlikely be aware of this information hand-off.
3. Encourage your child to stop bullying incidents as soon as she sees it. Again, she should do so only if her safety is not at risk. “Any time someone steps in to help the victim, it not only shortens the time of the bullying incident,” says Smith, “it also lessens the chance the bullying will happen again.”
4. Give your child confidence to challenge the bully if the situation is not a threatening or violent one. Even a firm, short statement such as “Back off!” may do the trick.
“This is the hardest thing for a child to do,” says Fried. “He is putting himself at risk that he may be targeted next, but it is the most effective way to stop the attack.” Suggest to your child that he enlist his friends to help stand up to the bully; there is safety in numbers.
5. Encourage your child to include the bully’s target in his activities. “Some children fear associating with a target for fear of becoming a target themselves. This just makes it harder for the target because he becomes ostracized and even more vulnerable to attack,” says Fried.
The bully is more likely to give up on the target if he realizes his victim has friends. It is hard to attack someone who has others who will stick up for that person.
6. Encourage your child to talk to the target in private. “If you are too intimidated to do anything else, show the target you empathize with him,” says Fried. “A simple ‘I’m sorry I can’t make the attacks stop, but you don’t deserve that treatment’ helps a lot. It eases the target’s pain and may give him back some of the confidence he has lost.”
Great articles!
Now that eldest is in junior high, there are a lot more fights and stuff I wish he didn’t have to be around. And there is a group of girls in my 10 year old’s class that make me cringe – nothing bad now, but they just seem to put off the aura of the mean girls in the making. I’ve had more talks with T as a result, and really try to keep the discussion open. As much as I would love her to stay away from those sort of influences forever, the whole popularity thing can be a strong pull for some kids
You know, this is so very important nowadays. Bullying has gotten to the point where it’s actually far far more dangerous then it was before. Kids don’t just bully with their fists, they bully with instruments and weapons now.